Mr. Fox

"You aint so sly, Mr. Fox”
I whispered in his ear.
He turned to me, a puzzled look,
As if it were unclear.

“I know your game, Mr. Fox,
You see - I play it too!”
I smiled, kissed him on the lips,
And said “oh yes, I do.”

Pushed my hands into his pants,
Looked deep into his eyes,
Whispered softly “oh yes I do,
Know all about your lies.”

Shoved him back against the chair,
And tied his limbs with rope,
He watched me almost silently,
As I began to grope.

“Think you have it worked out?”
I breathed beside his ear,
He whimpered something back to me,
But I didn’t hear.

Ripped off his pants, watched him dance,
Trying to get away.
“Oh no, big boy,” I said to him,
“With me this time you’ll stay.”

Shrunk back as I tore his shirt,
Ran my hands through his hair,
Removed my top and then my pants,
Until we were both bare.

Straddled him, and fucked him good,
Then turned to walk away.
I left him there, tied to the chair,
Got him back his way.


Copyright as always

WRITTEN: End of May
REVISION: No
UP FOR REVISION: Not really..
INSPIRATION: Feeling devious? I was working on my Siren Series at the time so I was kinda bitter..
RELEVANCE: Nope.

LOL Was it good or bad?

it was ....

Ah, Mr. Fox, how I remember this well. The first time I read it I wasn't willing to give it a thorough once-over, because I assumed our dear Bunny to be the thin-skinned, howl-at-the-first-sign-of-disagreement type.

How wrong I was.

It's a decent erotic poem, as far as telling a story goes. It's acceptable, but so much more could have been done with it. I didn't mind the rhyme scheme, with the xAxA xBxB pattern. It was actually pretty charming, and I liked the way it lent some feeling of being together to the piece.

The meter, however, so much more could have been done with it. Had it been regularized, even with the rhyming lines being in iambic trimeter (which they were close enough to most of the time!) and the nonrhyming lines being iambic tetrameter, it would have not felt like some lines ended too short. It would have had some sort of cadence to it, rather than feeling stilted in parts.

Still, I rather like this one.

Andre Vienne (12:49pm Tue, Sep  8, 2009)

Ah, Mr. Fox, how I remember this well. The first time I read it I wasn't willing to give it a thorough once-over, because I assumed our dear Bunny to be the thin-skinned, howl-at-the-first-sign-of-disagreement type.

WAIT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DISAGREE WITH ME?!

Andre Vienne (12:49pm Tue, Sep  8, 2009)

How wrong I was.

. I actually require that of all my staff .

Andre Vienne (12:49pm Tue, Sep  8, 2009)

It's a decent erotic poem, as far as telling a story goes. It's acceptable, but so much more could have been done with it. I didn't mind the rhyme scheme, with the xAxA xBxB pattern. It was actually pretty charming, and I liked the way it lent some feeling of being together to the piece.

Awesome

Andre Vienne (12:49pm Tue, Sep  8, 2009)

The meter, however, so much more could have been done with it. Had it been regularized, even with the rhyming lines being in iambic trimeter (which they were close enough to most of the time!) and the nonrhyming lines being iambic tetrameter, it would have not felt like some lines ended too short. It would have had some sort of cadence to it, rather than feeling stilted in parts.

Still, I rather like this one.

Awesome

I'll see what I can do with meter, cause I was having trouble with it. Today's a new day though .

I've found that dancing helps a lot with meter.

Foot-tapping or finger-tapping or speaking in weird cyllabic inflection works too.

Andre Vienne (01:02pm Tue, Sep  8, 2009)

I've found that dancing helps a lot with meter.

Foot-tapping or finger-tapping or speaking in weird cyllabic inflection works too.

I have issues with counting + reading though, so I'd have to write it down and mark the syllables . Not a big deal.

That's a decent way to start it, I figure.

Also, good god, woman, you have an absurd amount of poetry here.

Want me to hit the rest of em?

Why did I never read this poem?!
Love it

Andre Vienne (02:00pm Tue, Sep  8, 2009)

Want me to hit the rest of em?

Go for it! Hit them hard, I want to publish some day and not regret it!

Okay. Ill do my best, but good god, there are so many of them. You're too bloody prolific.

Yay!