Letters to My Love

Bunny

Marketing Team

6,253 Posts
Karma: +94/-1

06:41pm Mon, Feb 2, 2009

Letters to My Love
DEDICATED: Silently

My Love,
I write to you
to confess
my sins and treason
and the rest.

My love,
I write to you
to expose
these things I've done
that no one knows.

My love,
My first offence
was leaving you.
That's not a loyal
thing to do.

My love,
My second offence
I left you for
a stupid reason,
nothing more.

My love,
My third offence
with your close friend
I had relations
while on the mend.

My love,
My fourth offence
known by your enemy
with whom I fooled
though we wont ever be.

My love,
My fifth offence
was leaving you
I've said that, I know
once wont do.

My dearest Love,
I write to you
to apologise and confess.
Once things are right
my soul will rest.

Copyright Jade Elizabeth

WRITTEN: Monday Jan 26th - Monday February 2nd 2009.
REVISION: Not a revision.
UP FOR REVISION: Yes.
INSPIRATION: How I felt basically.
RELEVANCE: Yes

Okay so I'm looking for feedback on this one. I feel the second stanza should be in the middle somewhere, like as a "remember this please" idea.

I also think the last one is out of whack, but the flow is off all through it.

Any ideas are appreciated

Haffina

Fuzzy Teenage Bunny

646 Posts
Karma: +17/-0

Second stanza - consider changing 'writing' to 'write'
Fourth stanza - consider removing the 'and' in the last line.
Sixth stanza - doesnt seem to flow as well as others.. not sure how to reword it.
Last stanza - consider changing first two lines to match first and second stanzas... imo it would flow better.

But it is a very good poem nevertheless

Bunny

Marketing Team

6,253 Posts
Karma: +94/-1

I like those.

The 6th stanza is about sleeping with your ex's enemy...though the enemy and you both agreed it meant nothing before beginning

Lunar

Furrless Old Bunny

1,215 Posts
Karma: +1/-0

i like the feel of this poem.
its very strong.
one of my favourites

Bunny

Marketing Team

6,253 Posts
Karma: +94/-1

Thanks

It needs a lot of work

Kimberley

Furry Young Bunny

843 Posts
Karma: +9/-0

WOW this sounds like me

Aiko

Growing Baby Bunny

50 Posts
Karma: +0/-0

W-O-W!!! this is really good! i love it, it's so sweet in a way =Dxxx

Bunny

Marketing Team

6,253 Posts
Karma: +94/-1

Thanks Aiko

[1]

More on the Author

About the Author

Members Avatar

Membership Info
Jade Elizabeth (Bunny) is a Poet who has made 6253 posts since joining Creative Burrow on 12:15am Sun, Nov 2, 2008. Bunny was invited by No one (creator of this site).

About Bunny
Jade Elizabeth is an eccentric young woman who enjoys writing stories and poems with hidden deeper meanings. She is quoted saying “Writing to me is not a hobby. It's a passion. It's something that lets my thoughts expose themselves, and my heart shine through where other art could not.”

Commonly her poems are inspired by love or depression, and are dedicated to the people who encouraged the emotion. Given the chance she will readily pull her poems apart, exposing the deeper and hidden meanings behind her words.

Her stories are usually unspoken messages to those close to her – giving every story a hidden meaning. Some things are better left unsaid, or in her case, expressed indirectly through stories.

Jade used to write Documentation for Simple Machines in her free time, but has since begun studying and working, which takes up most of her free time now.

Writing Style
Romance, Fantasy, and Sad Stories and Poems.

Other Works by this Author
Coming Soon